yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
They took my balls.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
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