Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
