why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
