I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
