i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Randomize
