if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Randomize
