apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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