i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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