First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
