i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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