i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Randomize
