So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
