oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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