I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
