my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
