I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
