I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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