that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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