Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
