girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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