Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
