Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
