my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
You pole danced in your parka.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
