I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
