the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
