I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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