Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
