Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
