I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
