I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
