We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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