dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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