i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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