i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Green mimosas i think yes
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
