We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I need a burrito and a hug.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
