I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
