just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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