A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
