We're facebook friends in real life
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
