She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
