I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
