hotel room ftw
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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