I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Just cropdusted the office
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
