So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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