I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
