some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
you didnt know i had herpes?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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