my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Randomize
