pop tarts are not kleenex
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
