My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
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