He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
