Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Randomize
