he wants to bone in the snuggie
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
